Some Christians have such an easy life – the ones who have learnt how to have their cake and eat it. Their watered down version of what their holy book expects of them makes it smooth sailing for them and they become quite skilled at rationalizing their behaviour. I am referring to the ones who have ignored, adapted, or redefined certain teachings in their holy book so that they could live a “normal”, guilt-free life, and engage in all those carnal pleasures that are supposed to be strictly forbidden. I refer, in particular, to premarital sex.
Many Christians have always had sex before marriage and continue to do so regularly and unreservedly, and make no effort to overcome this ubiquitous human desire. They console themselves and resolve their cognitive dissonance by repeating over and over how human and imperfect they are, and how loving, merciful, and forgiving God is. Meanwhile, there is a significant group of young people who are trying their utmost to remain on the straight and narrow—those who actually take their beliefs seriously. Some of them cope better than others because they are fortunate enough to have strong family and social ties; but there are others who are finding the narrow road very frustrating and unbearable, and the only advice they receive from those who themselves indulge freely, is to pray and get closer to God, and study his word.
For some reason, females seem to have more of a tough time coping than the guys, and perhaps one of the reasons for that could be the popular notion that a woman’s virginity and chastity is precious, something to be revered and preserved, and handed to a man on a platter as a gift on their wedding night. Those of us who’ve been there and are frank enough, know that this is not much of a gift to look forward to, particularly if the woman has already reached her 30’s and has spent most of her life suppressing and resisting her natural sexual urges. This is more of a recipe for major marital stress and a good case for a sex therapist. How does one spend years running away from sex, being uncomfortable with and afraid of physical intimacy, then just wake from their bed, get married and expect all to be well and good? Many of the religiously chaste women that I have met all struggled with many issues which were clearly tied to their philosophy of sexual abstinence. The worst thing about it is that they were usually unaware of their issues and the potential difficulties they would cause within the context of an intimate relationship. Such women are often naïve and usually know very little about how men think and operate. They lack natural affection and almost instinctively flinch if they are touched, or if you happen to get too close. Although they are able to do a good job at “playing hard to get”, they are easily swept off their feet by a few nice words and flattering compliments and are overwhelmed by the avalanche of emotions that they are faced with. There are probably a few “virtuous” women reading this right now and thinking, “I am not like that”. That’s probably because you, dear reader, are one of those who have bent the rules and made it OK to masturbate, to kiss and make out, to have oral sex, dry sex, anal sex, and all the other things that are just short of penetration which some Christians engage in, while still proudly declaring themselves to be virgins. Hypocrite! Hypocrite!
The need for love and physical intimacy is nothing unusual and is supposed to be at the top of every young person’s agenda. That is the stage in life which they are at. It is the attempt to suppress those needs that creates conflict, stress and unhappiness for many young people. What a conundrum! What was the Creator thinking when he designed man in such a way that puberty and sexual curiosity and desire should start as early as 11 and 12 years of age. Yet, one is supposed to ignore and subdue one’s raging hormones and abstain from sexual activity (and even masturbation for some denominations) until one is ready to get married. What if one wishes to pursue an education and establish a career before getting married? What are the coping mechanisms available to such a person in the mean time? Is marriage a part of life’s natural progression? What if one has no interest in marriage? Will that person be doomed to a life of celibacy? If one cannot have sex before marriage, is sex, then, the main reason for marriage?
Clearly, there is wisdom in advising one to be emotionally and psychologically prepared before having sex. The additional baggage and responsibilities that come with sex are not for the immature; although, hardly anyone is ever fully prepared to handle sex-related drama, regardless of what age one begins. But the idea that one should not have sex until marriage or that one should rush to get married at a young age just to avoid fornication is daft, impractical, and cruel. Perhaps the majority of Christians have already figured that out, hence their rebellion against one of the bible’s strictest laws. Marriage cannot make anyone happy. People who are successful at marriage are people who have invested a lot of time in personal development. There is nothing automatic or natural about sex or being able to live happily together with another human being. They both require a set of skills which must be learned, and the only way to learn them is not by listening to sermons or reading books, but through experience.
What we should be teaching our young people, instead of the futile abstinence-only approach, is the importance of loving themselves so that they are not as desperate for love and attention as many women seem to be. Instead, religion does the opposite. It teaches that we are worthless human beings in need of salvation and that God loves us even if we are not worthy of his love, and even though we constantly disappoint him. We need to educate the youth about the importance of getting to know themselves and developing themselves so that they can better recognize a potential partner who they will be compatible with and live more peaceably with. And the only way to do that is through intimate relationships. There are many things one will never know about oneself unless he enters into an intimate relationship. We should teach young people that sex and love are not the same and that all relationships are not necessarily geared toward marriage. Relationships are opportunities for self-development, to learn the necessary skills, to develop emotional intelligence, and to learn more about the opposite sex. Let us teach them how to have safe and responsible sex instead of perpetuating the ridiculous idea that people decrease in value every time they have sex with someone else. Sex is a shared experience. It is not an experience where a woman gives and a man takes. But who
will teach our youth those valuable skills when we as adults are just as pathetic and clueless?
Sunday 19 May, 2013
Smooth Sailing for Some ‘Christians’
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You are so right in all your eye opening articles,an to add that it’s amazing how our people has chosen to be brain wash with some realization that they are following the middle eastern and european story books or bible teachings knowing for a fact that these people pass and present have been violent,truth lacking,breeds seperation and have hatered,but the fear of self failer and repealed by god,keeps some of us ST.LUCIANS from beliving in our selves without divine intervention,some of us consider knowledge,freedom fighters,innovators and true wisdom seekers a threat to their spiritual belief,and through hateful ignorant stigma at religious research that uncovers it’s fictional back bone…
Jason Every knows that sinners sin christian or not we are all sinners until the day we die.
Every one knows Christians fornicate,lie,steal,cheat, masturbate,disobey,gossip,why because SIN STILL REIGNS.
Yes God will keep on forgiving the sinner because he is merciful and just BUT THE DEVIL IS NOT SO MERCIFUL HE WILL DESTROY YOU THE MINUTE HE GETS THE CHANCE DO YOU KNOW THE OTHER GUY lUCIFER IS REAL HIS GUYS WILL CONFIRM THAT FOR YOU ANY DAY ANY TIME hope you’re not doubting his existence! he don’t joke.
Every one knows most men are very deceitful so if she have to figure out how he operates I guess he came with some merry go round plan in the first place the regular little boys player…
player plan. A true christian knows fear is of the devil initially its sometimes painful no one loves pain anyway.
Every one knows the need for success is natual to every one so its absolutely ok to be envious of u’re friends success and maybe even kill or maybe steal to get u’re own.
don’t suppress u’re need forcomfort it is u’re right.
Every body know we are worthless human beings what can you do for your self…nothing the air you breath can u even see it, why don’t u try breathing in something else rather than air “God breathed into him the breath of life, and he became a living soul”
Every knows that these young women after they have being degraded from how those men have…
have made them feel from yrs of abuse, the church is their only true refuge of acceptance showing them their true value and letting them know how VALUABLE they are as human beings.
Every one knows the high rate of teenage pregnancy but I guess u have a plan on solving that one.
Every one knows the level of promiscuity among teenagers the sex addicted youths.
Every one knows the high rate of abortion how some women are force to abort by the same men who claim to love them.
Every one knows that some women have exceeded their abortion meter, yes they eventually are forced to keep the last child they exceeded their number of abortion(unimaginable right)
Every one knows the countless skin…
nice one
eating diseases which have developed over the years from PREMARITAL SEX NO every one does not know why don’t you enlighten us Jason Joesph.
I am sure you have the solution especially to those 1000′s people who prefer to have sex without a condom, it may just be the girl u sleeping next to remember she had other partners b4 u who had other partners, its a domino effect u know the drill.
Sex is part of love.
Relationships and marriage are the same, a set of rules of behaviour, very dumb to say the least.
Creation (the creator) is not a person or being.
God is a neg mawahaen.
Definitely a thought-provoking article though I disagree with many points. The idea of Christians living a double life is a clearly a generalization. A true Christian doesn’t sail through life but you already know that. How do you plan to share this messsage with youth? It’s a great idea.
Jason, i think the reason why many women seem desperate for love and attention is that the ratio of good, “eligible” men to women is rather small, and not because of the futile abstinence-only approach. Whether or not religion vehemently preaches against premarital sex, everyone has a God-given choice for which only they are responsible; whether you’re 16 or 90 year old Christian, you’re accountable to God for all your actions. I’ll tell you who has it all “smooth sailing”: it’s men! They are not challenged as women are in this society. They’re held to an entirely different set of standards and behaviour. In the beginning of your last paragraph you noted what we should teach our…
Son of Man, I the Son of God (My Father) is here to inform you that I have judged your spirit and it is of the world. Therefore, you are not qualified to expound on the ability/capability of the children of God.
When a man is of the world, he speaks of the world and the world hears him. However, God, my Father stated in His word (‘their holy book”) as you stated in your article that the faith of His children should not stand in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. Your article indicated that you have zero spiritual knowledge about the true children of God who lives a holy and righteous life.
Son of Man, it is likely that your carnal experience is that of a religious…
you’re right.I’m a man and I am desperate for love because of the lack of virtuous women.lollllllll.jason have it all wrong
How come when any earthly father does some thing wroung or don’t take care of his responsability as a father every one makes sure he gets lip service plock from every one even take jail if this apply in what ever he messes up,but when the so call father GOD IN HEAVEN let and innocent adult or child take plock every one looks for a reason why it’s ok for his fumble while every one suffer from his lack of care
“Many Christians have always had sex before marriage and continue to do so regularly and unreservedly….”
————————————————————————
Would you buy a car before a test-drive?
Or would you buy a pair of trousers before a fitting? I wouldn’t.
You don’t need permission from your invisible friend when you want to part take in some heavy sex action. The priest have alters which serve as the base for sexual repression, it is the perfect height for concealing little boys with virgin asses and priest with mad erections and sick intentions. Why would you exist in such an enslaved way to closet bullers who claims to communicate with some unseen and all powerful being? If you think that some pillow bitting cross worshiping idiot gives the green light for sex, then you must be really dumb.
Religion has been the cause of much that ails this planet. Secularism is the one thing that rescues the Western World from the cruel dictates of religion. Slavery,inquisitions, crusades, witch-hunts etc with their the terrible cost in terms of human suffering is absolutely staggering. Lately under our civilized 20th century eyes, religion has opposed the use of condoms in sub-Saharan Africa,in support of an abstinence doctrine, resulting in a catastrophic decimation of the population to the aids pandemic. Life expectancy in some of these contries reached as low as 30 something years.